From Idealism to Surrender
From Idealism to Surrender
As someone who was blessed to grow up in a Christian environment, my faith has always been an important part of my identity. From a young age, I embraced the values of being a Christian. I aspired to be an idealistic Christian, kind, altruistic, and steadfast in my dedication. However, this desire often results in bearing a heavy load, especially as I become the one who provides for my family. My experiences, particularly at Youth with A Mission’s (YWAM) Discipleship Training School (DTS), taught me priceless lessons about surrender and grace.
The Weight of Idealism
Growing up, I was motivated by the desire to live out my faith in the most exemplary way possible. I thought that being a good Christian meant adhering to high standards, which sometimes felt like a heavy burden. Scriptures like Matthew 5:48, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect,” fueled my quest for perfection. I involved myself in every church activity, worked hard to provide for my family, and often felt that my worth was tied to my performance.
As the primary provider, the pressure to meet everyone’s needs intensified. I wanted to honor God while also supporting my loved ones. Yet, the expectation to be both spiritually and materially successful took a toll on me. I felt like I was running a race with no finish line, driven by ideals rather than a genuine relationship with Christ.
Burnout
Eventually, the weight of my idealism led to burnout. I found myself spiritually drained and emotionally exhausted, questioning my worth and the authenticity of my faith. I often turned to Matthew 11:28-30, where Jesus invites the weary to find rest in Him: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” I longed for that rest but felt trapped in my self-imposed expectations.
It was in this season of struggle that I realized I had been trying to do everything in my own strength, forgetting the foundational truth of Psalm 46:1: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” I was missing the essence of faith—relying on God rather than my own capabilities.
DTS at YWAM Butuan
In my search for renewal, I enrolled in a Discipleship Training School (DTS) at YWAM Butuan, hoping to realign my understanding of what it means to be a disciple of Christ. The program opened my eyes to the beauty of grace and the importance of community. I was surrounded by individuals who encouraged authenticity and vulnerability.
The teachings during DTS reminded me that God doesn’t call us to perfection but to relationship. Ephesians 2:8-9 resonated deeply: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” This revelation shifted my perspective, allowing me to see that my value isn’t based on my achievements but on God’s love.
The Lesson of Surrender
A pivotal moment during DTS was the call to surrender my burdens to God. In prayer, I was encouraged to lay down my expectations and fears. This was a challenging yet liberating experience. I reflected on 1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” In that moment, I felt God inviting me to exchange my burdens for His peace.
Surrendering wasn’t a sign of weakness; it was an act of faith. I learned that true freedom comes when we relinquish control and trust in God’s perfect plan. As I surrendered, I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9, where Paul writes, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I began to see my weaknesses not as failures but as opportunities to experience God’s strength.
God in Every Season
As I returned home from DTS, I carried with me a renewed perspective on faith and responsibility. I learned to celebrate God’s goodness in every season, even amid challenges. Praise became a powerful tool in my life, shifting my focus from my burdens to God’s faithfulness.
Psalm 34:1 became my anthem: “I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.” Praising God not only brought me joy but also reminded me of His unwavering presence. I learned to find moments of gratitude in my daily life, recognizing that even in struggles, God is working for my good (Romans 8:28).
In surrendering my burdens, I have found freedom and renewed joy in my faith. I am excited to embrace the future, trusting that with God by my side, every step of the journey will be filled with purpose and hope.
— Nikki Jane Castro